I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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