She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
