I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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