I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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