I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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