summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
