sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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