id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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