Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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