Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize
