Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
