He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
