I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
