I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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