I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
