ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
