Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
