He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
