I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
