i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
