fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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