oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
