Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
