Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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