Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
