So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
