You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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