You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
