You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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