Will you blow on my dice?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
