Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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