I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
