He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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