I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
