I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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