I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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