I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
