I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The maid of honor just puked.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
