Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
