There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
