He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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