I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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