What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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