went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
