I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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