whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wish there were birth control emojis
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
