And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Randomize
