We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
