You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
