I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
